Dear V,

It’s been 14 years since you left this earth and each day is just as hard as the previous. Some days I don’t think about you, and other days I feel guilty for not thinking about you. I wish you knew not only how much your death affected my life, but how much your life affected my life. If you hadn’t been my best friend, your death would not have had the effect on me that it did. If you hadn’t thanked me for being your friend the day before you died, I wouldn’t have any piece of you to carry with me 14 years later.

The moment I found out you had died, I went numb. I couldn’t see or hear. I couldn’t feel anything. Why did it have to be you? You did not deserve to go so young. We were only 14 year old kids. You had your entire life ahead of you. Accidents are accidents, of course, but that still doesn’t mean you should have been taken from me. Your death has caused my life to be out of control for the past 14 years. I’m not angry with you. I miss you too much to be angry. I’m angry that you died, yes. I’m angry with the situation, but my heart is too broken to be angry with you. It was an accident.

I miss you so much buddy. I wish I could find more words to say to you right now. I wish I could have gotten to say goodbye. There are times I wish I had been there when you died, even if it would be just so I could have some form of closure. That may sound sick, but it’s the honest truth. I miss you and I need you here with me.



About gabe126

I'm a 29 year old gay trans guy who lives in Philadelphia. Gabe is not my real name, well, it's my middle name, but for anonymity's sake, let's go with that. I hold bachelor's degrees in both music and special education, and I am currently 2 semesters away from graduating with my masters in special education and autism studies. I am disabled due to severe mental illness (bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, and OCD). I play the trombone and piano, although it's been a few years since I seriously touched a piano. I have 5 tattoos and another one planned, I just don't have the money right now. Derek Jeter, former Yankee's shortstop, is my husband.
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One Response to Letter

  1. Gary says:

    This is a beautiful follow up to the previous post.

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