I surprisingly had a good weekend and I’ve been in a really good mood since Thursday when that damn light switch in my brain turned on and made the depression go away.  I’ve actually gone out and done stuff and not stayed cooped up in my apartment all weekend, plus the weather was really nice (too hot for my liking yesterday, it was in the mid-80’s) but today was in the mid-60’s which was much more tolerable.  I hate the heat so much, winter please come back I miss you already.

Yesterday I went to the gym and then treated myself to my first water ice of the summer.  Rita’s opened last month but I just haven’t been yet and it was delicious.  I was also on the hunt for a particular video game part of the Professor Layton series as I just finished up the newest one, but the Gamestop by me didn’t have it, so I ended up driving to the other side of the county and found two Professor Layton games!  So now I have something to keep me busy especially on the plane when I go to Florida in 2 weeks.  I then figured since I was out that way I would treat myself to the diner that I always go to and that was delicious.  It was super busy so I ended up sitting at the counter, but since it was just me I didn’t care.  It’s interesting I’ve found myself being more and more comfortable going to do things that normally involve multiple people by myself, like going to the movies or to a restaurant.  I actually just bought a single ticket to see Grace Potter, one of my favorite singers (she’s normally with a band, the Nocturnals, but she’s solo at the moment) she is coming to Camden for a festival at the end of July and she never comes to the east coast and I just had to see her but I don’t have anybody to go with me, my uncle didn’t want to come since the Nocturnals wouldn’t be there so I said fuck it I want to go and I bought myself a ticket.

Today I started music therapy again, which I freaking love.  I did it back in the fall, it’s a queer/trans music therapy group and I had so much fun last time I signed up for it again.  It was supposed to start in February but it took a while to get going again but we finally started today and it runs for 6 weeks.  Unfortunately I’ll miss one session due to being in Florida for my brother’s college graduation.  Two of the three people that were in the group last time returned, so it was good to see them, and then there were two new people.  It was a little uncomfortable in the beginning because I felt a bit vulnerable since I didn’t know everybody there but I did warm up to the activities as we went along.  I then had a rehearsal for marching band but had an hour to kill so I went to IHOP for a bite to eat and got amazing raspberry white chocolate chip pancakes holy crap.  We had marching band rehearsal for 3 hours my back was killing me by the end and still is ugh.  And add in a headache too, lovely.  Playing music always makes me feel good but I hate playing outside in the park where we rehearse because people always stare at us and take pictures/videos and sometimes make comments and the tourists sit and watch us rehearse and right now we sound like shit as it’s only our second rehearsal of the summer.  We rehearse in this park all summer long so there will be people staring at us all summer long, awesome.  I don’t care about that during a performance, of course, but when we’re trying to rehearse and people literally get in our way or annoy us and we’re supposed to be professional about it I just want to tell them to get the fuck away especially when people come up to us asking for money or something.  Also in case I haven’t mentioned this before, I freaking HATE tourists they are all over this particular part of the city because we rehearse near City Hall and everybody has to take pictures of it and the park we rehearse in has some artwork they have to take pictures of, and they’re always in my freaking way and never know where they’re going and always stop walking in the middle of the sidewalk to look at a map or a building and I just want to tell them to GET OUT OF MY CITY!!!  And on Easter after we did a parade I was walking to the subway and ended up walking up 5th street, which is right by Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell, so it is super-touristy, and I typically ignore anybody who tries to talk to me but this guy came running up to me and I figured he was a tourist and wanted directions so I stopped, and he started giving me this bullshit story about how he had to go pick up his kids and his debit card was declined and could he “borrow mine”.  How stupid do you think I am??  I take offense to that that you would think I would fall for something that obvious.  Usually people just ask for change, which I don’t carry either, but to ask me for my debit card…lmao seriously.

This week I have my typical schedule, band rehearsal, trans-sobriety group, and then I have a consult for a sleep study my doctor wants me to do because of my snoring, fun.  Next week I get to drive to my parents house and see their puppy Sam and then at freaking 6 am our flight departs to Tampa (my parents are insane and ALWAYS book the earliest flights possible).  Which means we’ll have to leave for the airport before 5 am ughhh.  Apparently Saturday my brother has already advised me he and his friends are staking out their favorite bar all day and all night because of that Manny Pacquiao/Floyd Mayweather fight, and well, being an alcoholic it certainly is not safe for me to spend an entire day in a bar, nor do I want to, so I wonder what that day will hold in store for me.  Then Sunday my brother graduates and my sister is driving in from Tampa it is going to take forever he said, plus he goes to a huge school but I wanted to be there for him.  Then Monday we fly back and the flight is at like 9 am, but we have to drive 2 hours to the airport, so again we’re leaving at like 5 am.  I already warned my mother she would be dealing with one grumpy person and she said “Then don’t come”… thanks.  My sleep schedule is opposite theirs so sharing a hotel room is going to be interesting, my father goes to bed at 7:30 pm, no joke.  He’s only 55, he’s not ancient, just insane, as he will get up at 3-4 am to run 6-7 miles.  Here’s hoping he cuts me a break and adjusts his sleep schedule a bit for my sake.

So yeah that’s my life right now the life of a bipolar man I can go from A to Z in the span of no time and it drives me up a wall but at least I’m in a good even place at the moment, I need to take advantage of these times.  Also here is a picture of Sam my parent’s 6 month old chocolate lab puppy he is already 71 lbs he is a big monster.  Apparently he dug a massive crater in the back yard last weekend.  Typical puppy.  And when he isn’t biting you or barking in your face he is a big lover.  He just has to learn his manners still.



About gabe126

I'm a 29 year old gay trans guy who lives in Philadelphia. Gabe is not my real name, well, it's my middle name, but for anonymity's sake, let's go with that. I hold bachelor's degrees in both music and special education, and I am currently 2 semesters away from graduating with my masters in special education and autism studies. I am disabled due to severe mental illness (bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, and OCD). I play the trombone and piano, although it's been a few years since I seriously touched a piano. I have 5 tattoos and another one planned, I just don't have the money right now. Derek Jeter, former Yankee's shortstop, is my husband.
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One Response to 4/19/15

  1. Glad you’ve been feeling positive!! Each day is a new chance to change your outlook

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